Grief is not a single emotion—it’s a landscape. One that is often unfamiliar, harsh, and lonely. It doesn’t follow a straight line or respect a calendar. It crashes in waves, surprises us with its intensity, and reshapes our lives in ways we never expected.

Grief is also universal. According to the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, nearly 2.5 million people die in the U.S. each year, leaving behind an estimated 13 million bereaved individuals annually. And that number doesn’t even include other types of grief—loss of health, relationships, jobs, identity, or dreams.

In my own life, grief arrived suddenly and forcefully. When my sweetheart, Frank, was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I became his full-time caregiver almost overnight. For five months, our world narrowed to hospital rooms, medications, quiet conversations, and the unspoken knowing that our time together was coming to an end. When he passed, I not only lost the person I loved most—I lost the future we were building. I lost who I had been in my relationship to him. I was left with deep sorrow, disorientation, and a question that echoed through my days: Who am I now?

This question became the foundation for my new book, Stepping Through Grief ~ Rediscovering Life After Loss. What began as a journal—an attempt to make sense of the unthinkable—grew into a guide for others navigating similar terrain. It is a book about identity, purpose, and the long road of learning to live again after devastating loss. I wrote it for anyone who has felt undone by grief and is trying to figure out what comes next.

The Stages of Grief: Not a Linear Path

We often hear about the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—originally introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. While this model provides a framework, it’s important to understand that grief does not move in predictable order. We don’t graduate from one stage to the next. In fact, many people experience these stages in loops, return to them multiple times, or skip some altogether.

• Denial is often the mind’s first attempt to protect itself. It allows us to survive the initial shock.

• Anger may show up as frustration at the situation, toward others, or even toward the person we lost.

• Bargaining can look like endless “what ifs” or “if only” thoughts that try to rewrite the past.

• Depression often sets in as the full weight of the loss becomes real and unavoidable.

• Acceptance isn’t about being “okay” with the loss—it’s about learning to live with it.

More recent models, like the Dual Process Model by Stroebe and Schut, suggest that healthy grieving involves oscillating between facing the loss and engaging with life. This resonates with my own experience—and with many of the clients and groups I support in my practice. Sometimes we cry. Other times we manage the laundry, go for a walk, or laugh at something small and beautiful. Healing isn’t about moving on—it’s about moving with.

Rediscovery After Loss

In the aftermath of loss, many people struggle with identity and purpose. They ask, “Who am I now that I’m no longer a spouse, a caregiver, a parent, or a partner?” These questions don’t come with easy answers, but they are invitations. Grief cracks us open. In that raw space, there is room for reflection—and if we’re gentle with ourselves, there is also room for rediscovery.

In my book, I share how I learned to ground myself when the world felt unstable. I encourage readers to pause and ask: What do I know for sure, even now? It might be your name, the smell of your morning coffee, the softness of your pet’s fur, the sound of your own breath. These small truths can become anchors in the chaos.

The process of rediscovery takes time. It took me years to feel like I was truly living again—and even now, I carry my grief with me. But I carry it differently. More gently. It’s not as sharp as it once was. It lives beside love, not in place of it.

You Are Not Alone

Grief can feel like isolation, but you are not alone. Whether your loss is fresh or decades old, whether it was a person, a dream, or a former version of yourself—you deserve space to grieve and permission to heal.

My hope is that this book offers a hand to hold along the way. I wrote it not as an expert on grief, but as someone who has walked through it, stumbled, and kept going. Someone who believes that even after unimaginable loss, life still holds beauty and meaning—and we still get to choose how we meet it.

As you move through your own grief, I invite you to reflect not on who you were before, but on who you are becoming. Let your grief shape you, but not define you. Let it remind you of your capacity to love deeply—and to live fully.

written by Gina Rivera Sokolich

You may be asking yourself, Why should I join the Missouri Counseling

Association. Well, here are the top 5 reasons to Join us and start making a

difference today.

1. Stay informed and educated:

As a professional, you need to keep informed as to what is happening in all

areas of your chosen field.

Educationally, you need to keep current with all developments in the scope

of your work.  Learning new models and methods doesn't stop after college

or graduate school.

Politically, you need to know what laws affect you and your profession. 

You need to know what bills are being considered that have an impact on

your work, and what you can do to influence legislation to promote your

profession.

2. Network with other/local professionals:

The Missouri Counseling Association provides many opportunities for

networking and interaction with your fellow Missouri

professionals. Whether it's through working together on a committee,

attending conferences, attending a group consultation, or simply meeting

socially.

3. Get members-only information:

Health coverage, grants and scholarships, legal support, member search,

speaker registry, college and career search, and private practice

registration.

4.  Professional Development - CEUs and licensure information:

The Missouri Counseling Association offers their membership quality

continuing educational opportunities.  Your membership not only provides

you with significant discounts on the conferences and workshops offered,

but more importantly, makes those conferences and workshops possible,

so when you need continuing education, there are quality workshops for

you to choose from in person or virtually.

Lunch and learn workshops

Shorter one-day workshops

 Annual two day Conference

5. Advocacy:

The Missouri Counseling Association monitors the Missouri legislation that

can affect the counseling profession.  The members of the Missouri

Counseling Association can share in the pride that they are, through their

membership, supporting a high level of professionalism and competence in

Missouri counseling. Together with you, the Missouri Counseling Association

is committed to making lives better through professional learning, political

advocacy, leadership opportunities, and networking. 

Become a Member of Our Community and Let’s Work Together

First responder grief is a complex, often unspoken struggle those who dedicate their lives to helping others face. Police officers, firefighters, EMTs, and other first responders encounter situations daily that most people will never experience, from witnessing tragedies to making life-and-death decisions at the moment. While their training equips them to act, it does not shield them from the emotional impact of their work.

First responder grief is not a sign of weakness but a reflection of their humanity. By creating environments where mental health is prioritized and grief is openly acknowledged, we can empower these heroes to heal, grow, and continue their vital work.

1. Acknowledge Their Experiences

• Validate their emotions: Start by acknowledging the difficulty of their work. For example, "I can only imagine how challenging it must be to witness such intense situations regularly."

• Avoid clichés: Statements like "I know how you feel" or "Everything happens for a reason" can feel dismissive. Instead, focus on listening.

2. Use Language That Respects Their Perspective

• Avoid pathologizing their feelings: First responders are often uncomfortable with terms like "emotional breakdown." Instead, they frame grief as a natural response to their experiences.

• Focus on strength through support: Phrases like "It takes courage to talk about what’s weighing on you" can resonate better than "You need help."

3. Create a Safe, Confidential Space

• Emphasize privacy: Many first responders fear judgment or repercussions at work. Make it clear that their conversations will remain confidential.

• Be patient: Trust takes time, especially if reluctant to open up initially.

4. Offer Concrete Support

• Share practical tools: Introduce coping strategies, such as grounding techniques, mindfulness exercises, or journaling, to help process emotions.

• Provide peer connections: Mention groups or programs specifically for first responders, such as peer support teams or professional counselors trained in their field.

5. Lead with Open-Ended Questions

Encourage them to share without feeling pressured. Some examples include:

• "What’s been on your mind after that call?"

• "What helps you decompress after tough days?"

• "How do you usually deal with what you’ve seen on the job?"

6. Address Stigma Head-On

• Normalize grief: Explain that grief isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign of caring deeply about their work and the people they serve.

• Use examples: Share relatable stories of other first responders who’ve benefited from talking about grief or seeking support.

7. Focus on Actionable Next Steps

• Ask about immediate needs: "What would help you feel more supported now?"

• Suggest professional help when appropriate: "Many first responders find it helpful to speak with someone who specializes in their work—would you like me to connect you with someone?"

8. Stay Mindful of Their Coping Style

First responders often rely on humor, distraction, or compartmentalization to cope. Respect these mechanisms while gently encouraging them to explore their feelings when ready.

9. Be Persistent but Not Pushy

If they resist opening up, don’t give up. Keep the door open with statements like:

• "I’m here whenever you feel like talking."

• "You don’t have to go through this alone—support is available."

10. Recognize Signs of Deeper Struggles

If their grief is leading to severe symptoms such as substance abuse, withdrawal, or suicidal thoughts, it’s critical to connect them with crisis resources or mental health professionals immediately.

Example Conversation Starter

• "I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter than usual lately. It makes sense, given all you’ve been dealing with. I want you to know it’s okay to feel the weight of this work, and I’m here to support you however you need."

Here’s a list of resources and tools that can be helpful for supporting first responders dealing with grief:

1. Hotlines and Crisis Resources

• Safe Call Now: A 24/7 confidential crisis hotline for first responders.
  Phone: 1-206-459-3020

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.): Available 24/7 for crisis support.
  Phone: 988

• COPLINE: A confidential hotline for law enforcement officers.
  Phone: 1-800-267-5463

2. Peer Support Networks

• International Critical Incident Stress Foundation (ICISF)
  Offers peer support training and resources for first responders.
  Website: www.icisf.org

• First Responder Support Network (FRSN)
  Provides peer support retreats and resources for first responders and their families.
  Website: www.frsn.org

• Code Green Campaign
  Focuses on mental health advocacy and support for first responders.
  Website: www.codegreencampaign.org

• MOFRPN.org 

3. Mental Health and Counseling Services

• EMDR or Brainspotting Therapists
  Look for therapists trained in trauma-specific methods like EMDR or Brainspotting, which are particularly effective for first responders processing traumatic grief.
  Find a therapist: www.emdria.org or www.brainspotting.com

• FirstNet by AT&T
  A service designed for first responders that offers a directory of mental health resources and support programs.
  Website: www.firstnet.com/first-responders/mental-health

4. Apps for Stress and Mindfulness

• Headspace for First Responders
  Offers free subscriptions for meditation and mindfulness exercises tailored to first responders.
  Website: www.headspace.com/firstresponders

• ResponderRel8
  A peer-to-peer support app for first responders to connect anonymously and share experiences.
  Website: www.responderrel8.com

• PTSD Coach
  A mobile app designed to help manage symptoms of PTSD, created by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
  Available on iOS and Android.

5. Books and Educational Materials

• "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin M. Gilmartin
  A practical guide for law enforcement officers and their families to understand and manage the emotional toll of the job.

• "Bulletproof Spirit" by Dan Willis
  A book offering emotional survival strategies for law enforcement officers and other first responders.

• "The Resilient First Responder" by Debra A. Atlas
  Focuses on building resilience and coping skills for first responders.

6. Workshops and Retreats

• The Bridge Retreat
  Retreats designed specifically for first responders and their families to address trauma and grief.
  Website: www.thebridgeretreat.com

• On-Site Workshops
  Therapeutic workshops for first responders dealing with grief and trauma.
  Website: www.onsiteworkshops.com

• https://www.warriorsascent.org/contact/Kansas City 

7. Local and Departmental Resources

• Encourage first responders to inquire about:

• • Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)

  • Department-sponsored peer support teams

  • Local Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD) groups